Reunited never felt so good (sing along everyone)..yes I am referring to myself and my laptop. After my screen got repaired..my electrical adapter went dead (or shall we say that the holes Kaden had chewed in the wires finally affected it). In one day my dear punk cost me $100...I had to reorder the adapter....30...and then he chewed a memory card!!!!!....yes....70...I use large cards because of weddings and events, etc. The joys of having a dog indeed.

I had three days off from work and they went too fast as always. I so need a vacation!! I am trying to hold off though because I am planning a trip to MN in August to visit "my best guy friend" Josh and maybe Ireland in the fall. Speaking of which irish boy and his girlfriend of 3 years broke up (they may be back together now), but I am like..so is it a good thing to go or not go. If I do go would I rather he be dating someone or not? The selfish girl in me says I don't want him to be with anyone, but I could be dating someone here by the fall too (hey..don't laugh..a girl can pretend, right??..haha). I suppose this leads us to the topic of my nonexistent but not really love life. So, I am quite certain that I crossed over to "friend neverneverland" with my crush at work. Yes, he is soooo out of my league but upon receiving numerous phone calls from him..telling me about situations in his life, etc...I am so there and this is ok. He will be the hottest guy friend that I have ever had.:-) And let's be honest just because we are friends doesn't me I can't crush a little, right? Ranting #2: I get so frustrated with girls who date way below their league. Now, I know many of your will argue against my "league theory", but if I phrased it a different way you may agree. For example...this guy...below my league..I am not saying that he is less of a person, I am saying that our backgrounds, education level, and appearance level are not so compatible. Sometimes someone can compensate with other areas..so that it makes you in the same league. Don't ask..it's a theory in jessica's dating manual, ok? Anyways, I just get frustrated at girls dating obviously below their league (as in I know both of them) because it messes with my pool of dateable men, you know? I am like step off...date in your own league...you are messing up my game (yes...because I have so much "game" in the dating world). It makes me not like some girls..that is all. Ranting #3: After discussion with a life long friend this weekend, we determined that perhaps we are just good "second wives". What am I talking about you may ask? I have tended to think that I was the "marrying type". Well, these days it is looking like that is not the case. It seems that many guys (now I know many exceptions too) fall for the girl that they thought they were just going to "date" and can get scared off by the "marrying type". It is like girls that come across as the "marrying type" need to have caution tape surrounding them or something. However, men who have been married once before..and perhaps have been burned are looking for the "marrying type"...hence those of us left may just be the good "2nd marriage marrying type". Hmm..something to think about. Many of my friends in relationships and currently dating are with men married once before...or perhaps it is just because we are the girls who went to college and pushed everything up and now that is simply the dating pool remaining. ( you know..at least a divorced guy is often not scared of committment and may be less likely to have some strange reason why they are single). Just ranting of course...please take it as that. Just girls thinking and talking.

So, I hope this satisfied that post more comment. Sometimes I feel like I post too much! I will make a conscious effort to blog more frequently...and then perhaps they won't be as long. If only I could get paid to blog...and to do photography. Night.

Long time..no blog it seems. My laptop screen went dead this week, and for some reason I have trouble making myself sit at my desktop to do anything. Sort of funny...as I have not had this laptop that long. They sent somebody out to fix my screen the next day...because I bought the "no matter what I do..even if I drop it in water..you have to fix it" warranty. Let's be honest..I am clumsy..and I know that me and a laptop could be a bad combination. However, it seems that I may have had a crappy screen in the first place. Suddenly my computer has a bright screen even when it is just on battery.

I continue to do this whole working out thing, but I am getting frustrated with my face breaking out so bad. Evidently when you sweat while exercising..the sweat contains toxins...that clogs up the pore and causes your face to break out. One guy even said it is more bad when you haven't worked out in awhile..and that it will eventually clear up. Well...I don't think this guy realized that I have NEVER really exercised before now...so am I screwed? Imagine how many stinking toxins are in my body! Oh well.

Funny story of the week: well, I guess it would be me falling in the shower. The night before I had did my whole exfoliating my skin with my lovely body shop stuff...and while it makes my skin so very soft...it also makes my shower floor so very slippery. Yeah...I sure fell flat on my butt. It's like one of those things where you are in slow motion, but there is really nothing you can do about it. I ended up with some nasty bruises, but was ok all and all.

Men: same ole same ole. I am contemplating speed dating...although I had a friend that tried it recently and said it wasn't worth it. The problem is that I want to date, but I don't. First, I don't want to date until I feel better about my appearance...let's be honest if a guy can't get past my weight..then they are not even going to give me a chance. And then..if I don't feel good about myself..I am going to attribute every rejection to my weight. So, it is a problem I am working on. Plus, I just don't feel like dating to be quite honest. I would like to meet people in a normal way..and have a guy hit on me..show me attention without me having to seek out these dates. I just want something to develop naturally. I want to be wanted, I want to be needed. (You can all sing it now "I want you to want me...I need you to need me..."). I got on match to browse for just the heck of it..yeah that was fun...it was like there is the ex of one of my friends, the ex of another friend of mine, there's the guy that got a girl pregnant from home and isn't taken responsibility, talked to him, scared of him, ex of my coworker, former classmate..yes I think the pickins are getting slimmer! Anyways, I am not fine with the way things are...but I am fine too....if that makes sense. And I could go on and on for hours and I am sure that my thoughts and emotions on the topic could not be fully articulated. A few things are going on, but just things that require me to keep my heart and feelings guarded at all times.

I have been doing a lot of thinking through some issues here recently. For the longest time I had a separation between my religious beliefs and my social views. They couldn't be reconciled...and I just left it that way. Well, I am trying to bring everything together now. What has been frustrating for me is having the different perspectives and viewpoints/voices in my head. (Not voices as in auditory hallucinations..as in my own thinking). For instance, sitting in church, the preacher talking about one thing and having this random thought pop up. It is frustrating. It is like it should be so simple and so black and white..but in my head it is not. Oh well, I will continue to struggle with those things.

I am struggling here today on day shift. I think I could handle it if I did day shift all the time, but not so much when I do nights and evenings the majority of the time. I am swinging from nights and days like a monkey right now! It is wearing me out that..that is for sure. It is so slow today..so I am debating what time to cut myself once the relief gets here...think I will catch a nap before going to church with Bridger tonight.

I have noticed that "feelings" is a dreaded word with men. They don't know what to do with the word..it is almost as if it scares them. I suppose the trick is to reword the question and you may be able to figure out what it is that you wanted to know.

I must admit that I am feeling so much better these days...it has continued, which feels like a miracle. Again, is it the lovely Wellbutrin (i sound like a commercial) or is it exercising. I have realized that my messed up work schedule does mess with my moods...how so? Well, it messes up my sleep..it is impossible to get on a consistent sleep pattern...and when Jessica doesn't get sleep...I am grumpy and unproductive. And poor Kaden doesn't have any clue as to when he is suppose to sleep. I mean really, I have to get up at 6:30 both days this weekend...hello? ...not impossible, but not a pleasant thing for me..or those around me..haha.

You know what is strange. In general, I feel that I am good at reading people..sensing what they are feeling..where they are meaning comments to go..what is under the surface...this is in most interactions. Where it fails me miserably is matters of the heart. I do not trust my instincts at all when I have feelings for someone..sometimes I feel crazy because I feel like I sense the reciprocal feelings..yet chances are it might not be there. I am simply saying when it comes to my romantic feelings and interaction, I often find myself aimlessly searching through a dark room questioning what I am really feeling in front of me (and no..that is not meant to be a dirty joke). Don't you worry..i assure you the love life remain MIA...just deep thoughts with Jessica being shared.

Right now I feel directionless. Do I look for another job? Do I pursue photography? Do I consider moving? Is my love going to drop out of the sky? Do I stay or do I go? To be or not to be that is the question. O.k. now I am just saying anything..time for bed.

At least I am not the only woman who has difficulty dating...as confirmed by the new tv show How to Get the Guy. I would like to say that I have just seen the previews, but let's be honest I got shamelessly sucked in. I mean, trust me..I need all the dating advice I can get it seems! As you can see with the online diary two things were taught in this episode...dropping the hanky...i.e. getting him to notice you and to send out those pheromones that you are interested (although some people tend to exude this naturally) and how to get that first kiss. Basically sending out the signal involves maintaining eye contact for 4 seconds...which is a looooong time, smile, and invade personal space (closer than 4 feet away). They made this one poor girl go to a bookstore and essentially try to hit on men..it was very uncomfortable to watch. Needless to say I will now watch devotely each week...and take in all the dating techniques I can get...and just because I got sucked in.

I have enjoyed the last two days off...and of course with the nice weather have went to pool twice..working on goal #2 of the summer: get a tan. I love the sun and laying out but many do not enjoy the itching aftermath. As I am sure I have shared before there needs to be some contraption made to get sunblock and then lotion in that one area of your back that you just can't seem to reach. The itching can drive you crazy...I mean there is no way to reach it..what am I suppose to rub my back up against the wall like a dog? I mean I have considered taking those things you use for washing the dishes..placing some lotion in it and giving it a whirl..haha. Yes, my back is itching...would someone for the love come scratch it!!!! (maybe that would be a good way to meet my neighbors..haha.) Speaking of the pool...I fell out there today trying to situate my chair to the sun...yes, I am sure that I looked really cool...and even more so when my farm sounding (with a rooster crowing) ringtone went off. That' s me..the cool girl at the pool.

Some of you may know that I applied for a new marketing position at the Ridge...and I was really excited about it. Well..I didn't get it and it seems that it has alot to due with my lack of sales experience. I was really disappointed at first and still am a bit. I just feel like I need a change, but I am confused as to what direction to go towards. I have been working on getting my photography stuff more in line..the website complete..you can see some of the weddings i have done this summer there...jessicacampbellphotography.com...and I have an ad in the Breathitt County paper coming out this week. I have been doing some looking at around what it would involve to take out a business loan, etc. It is all a bit scary. I will figure it out..one day..I guess.

So I wouldnt' be suprised if no one is reading this anymore since I have been such a slacker about updating. Basically I have had the last 3 days off from work..good times...and I have just gotten a lot of random things done around here. I guess the strangest thing that has come across my way in a few weeks is an article about a woman in India who married a snake. Yes...I said a snake. Click on the article. To bad he wasn't present for the ceremony...I mean you can now "bite" your wife? If the snake chokes his wife is that a domestic dispute? Perhaps I have ben looking at the wrong species. Really..this whole thing is disturbing.

My lovely pooping eating dog...yes I said poop eating. I caught the punk eating poop outside...I am so mad at him. How can he be so smart, yet so dumb? Am I not feeding him enough? I immediately checked everything to make sure that he had plenty of food. Sure enough...he has more than enough to eat at all times. This occurred after he kept me awake all night by refusing to sleep. Frustrated much?

Exercise...I continue to make myself workout. Although I am beginning to really dread it. The thing about working out is that I am not seeing any pounds drop drastically yet...I guess the muscle building up, etc., etc. I lost a few inches, but I feel like I need to be rewarded by seeing a change in weight on the scale. Oh well.

No funny guy stories to really share..my love life is a little MIA. I am happy with that right now..I don't want that added stress at the moment. Love = stress you ask? I guess not for all...but my dating experiences seem to overwhelmingly produce stress or unpleasant emotions. I know..I know...you have to kiss alot of toads..to find your prince...well I am taking a break on the side of the road for a bit...I think my prince might have got lost so I am giving him time to catch up..haha. I find it that I like it better when I just put in the guy's court so I dont' have to worry about it..for example this is my number, call me if you want sometime...let me know if your feelings ever change, etc. Relieves some anxiety because it is out of my control. Random tangent: why is it that girls emotions seem to vary more than men...I mean a woman is more likely to change her mind about feelings for a man than vice versa. Oh the difference in the sexes...and the differences generally working against me. MIA...and trying to keep it that way. (Although let's be honest it is me..so I still have a crush and a situation that is strange at times.. MIA overall..:-)

I know I have been a slacker on blogging. Quick summary. Still exercising..which is amazing for those of you who know me well. It took a week but I did finally drop 3 pounds...after gaining 2..so I guess that means I lost at least 5..not bad. Although last night I was thinking...I am ready to stop this exercise business. I am going to have to find some ways to amuse myself while I am there...or just invite workout buddies all the time. Shooting a wedding this weekend...trying to finish up on the other wedding. Have an interview today for the new position. Worked a craziness shift of 15 hours this week...had like 6 people walk in after midnight...and they all were admitted. I left the hospital close to 8am...yeah, I was a bit tired. No one had seen anything like that...and it wasn't even a full moon. Overall, I feel like I am in a better mood. Is it exercising or have my new antidepressants (yes...I take them)..finally kicked in. Who knows, but either way I am feeling tons better and I am sure that I am a much more pleasant and more calm person to be around currently. Anywho, I am going to go grab a nap before my interview.