I have been trying hard to get Kaden to ring the bell on the door when he wants to go outside. Well, tonight he seems to have mastered that..but perhaps a bit too well. Yeah, so he rang it over and over so he could go out and play. I suppose now I just have to train him that he should ring the bell to go out and use the bathroom....not to play all night when it is cold!

Guess I have been a bit of slacker with posting here lately. I just got back from home yesterday...Christmas went well, although it was tiring. Basically went home for a day....and then drove back because I had work Christmas Day. I have always had mixed feelings about the holidays...it is that feeling of some sadness with happiness. I don't know where the feeling of sadness exactly comes into play, but I have memories of feeling that way even at a young age. Sometimes I think that I grew up emotionally and/or mentally a bit too fast as a child. I am a bit frustrated because due to some family situations, we can't really have everything, i.e. Christmas Eve, dinner, etc. together. Sometimes I think celebrating Christmas with my family is made into more of a hassle than it should be. I suppose it will be easier when me, Megan, and Matthew get our own families and then we will probably just worry about staying at our house. Anyways, Christmas did go well and now I am back in the lovely city of Lexington. Not quite ready to part with my Christmas tree though yet...so I am going to keep it around maybe until after the New Year.

Let's see what else? I am still "going out" with the same guy...should I say his name or should I just make references such as rhymes with steal and gill? I think my dog and him may get along better than we do. Kaden really likes him...and I guess I do too..haha. Anyways, nothing much else to report. My extreme fatigue continues...and I am getting beyond annoyed with it...my sleeping patterns and the amount I want to sleep are just ridiculous. Trying to figure out what is causing it...shall we say isolate the variable that contributing to my tiredness. Anyways, I am going to make myself sleep some now so that I am not incredibly grouchy as I counsel people tomorrow.

By accident I stumbled across images by this photographer. The images are by Ruth Bernhard...I really love this image. I am normally not huge on nudes, but there is something about the angle of this image.

Here is a preview of what the bridesmaid dresses look like for Lisa's wedding. Although they look better when you take away the contorted body and sultry look of the model. Lisa says that as maid of honor I get to wear the gloves...I am hoping for a feather boa too...we are just kidding of course.

Today ended as a day with me feeling kind of "blah". There are a lot of things that I could probably ramble about tonight..but let's be honest, I just don't have the energy. Why was it one of those days? It started off fine and fun with the girls looking at bridesmaid dresses for Lisa's wedding. We decided on this cute dress...nothing to do with the dresses..but I think trying on any formal dresses brings back lots of negativity with it (i.e. searching for prom dresses, etc) and those dang dress makers like to make the dresses so that you have to get a size or two bigger..and let's be honest I am just not built for most formal dresses. Like I said the dress is very elegant and pretty...but I want to lose weight so that I look better in it (and so that my blood pressure doesn's sky rocket and I have a heart attack before the wedding). So, thinking about weight stuff. I have decided that I can no longer afford Jenny Craig. Back to the drawing board and trying to do it myself. Really, can it be that hard? I know I can do this....I mean essentially Jenny Craig had me on a 1200 calorie diet...I can do that without their food. I am going to try doing that. Step one is FORCING myself to work out tomorrow at some point. Goal: lose 20 pounds by May..we shall see.

Reason number two for blahness...I am fairly certain after speaking with one of my classmates that I probably failed a section of the remediated prelim. I will find out for sure tomorrow, but I am betting that I did. Which just adds to the..I am so sick of this field and so sick of school stuff.

I did however treat myself to a bath upon making it home. Have I mentioned how much I like my new tub? May I also say that I have the softest skin in the world right now. ..and I smell terrific too. I love the spa wisdom body shop stuff....it is so wonderful....first do the scrub...then shave the legs...then end with the body balm...so wonderful. I think it is putting me to sleep as I type.

You may be asking yourself..why is there a picture of Jessica's dog blue..what did she do to him now? Well, I bought this shampoo last night that is suppose to "whiten" his hair. His feet, face, and such try to get a bit discolored, so I thought this would be a good idea. Well, the amusing part is the fact the shampoo is blue and turns him completely blue...it is hilarious. Love his heart..there he sat in the bath tub looking like a smurf and I am cracking up laughing in the floor. It was perhaps the highlight of my day.

Today was my day off and it was nice and relaxing..managed to not leave the house which was the goal. Slept off and on..as my first day off seems to be. However, I work tomorrow too...so it's not really my "first" day off anymore. I have decided that I have a problem with purses. When I have free time...at work especially..I find myself wondering to the Coach website or looking for Coach purses. I have an addiction to purses..this is true..but the Coach purse represents the extreme level of my addiction. Why do I want purses that cost so much..really it is ridiculous..but I find myself looking at them...sort of window shopping..because let's be honest...even if I were to save up the money for several months...don't really think I could rationalize it..sigh..oh well...I will show you what I am looking at though..just for fun (and I am sure some of you girls out there will enjoy it...men you are welcome to tune out at this point). How cute is this purse..it has to be my favorite. I guess partly because if I were to spend that much money, dang it..you better know what brand it is..and I am all about the fur stuff right now. Now..here's a look at the extreme.....never would I pay that..especially since it is small, but I think it very cute. Then there is one along the similar line, but cheaper that is quite cute in it's own right. This one is cute too..but doesn't scream coach neccessarily. How fun is it just to look. So, over all I am liking the suede, fur, and retro looking stuff some...I suppose I need to find some cheap purses with the same idea..oh well. One day I could reward myself in buying one of these totally outlandish purses... or maybe not..perhaps if I ever get my PhD. Sometimes I have to indulge the irrational girl in me by at least looking and pretending I would buy one. It's an addiction...I know.

Kaden as smurf dog

Another one bites the dust..duh.duh..duh..(sing it to figure out what the duh's are)

Yeah, so I guess that isn't the nicest way to put it, but let's be honest that is how it feels at times. So, congrats go out to Natalie who got engaged this weekend. I am genuinely excited for her. Jason and Natalie seem wonderful together...so I am happy for them. I guess there is a bit of sadness present at what seems to be a closing on a certain stage of our lives. To be quite honest, I am just now getting to the point where I sometimes feel like an actual adult. Many times I still feel as young as ever...a child trying to live in an adult world. What is sad is many of my girlfriends are very much like sisters to me and looking towards marriage means many of them moving away..and it also means that they are moving into a stage of their lives where I am not yet. I am fine with not being there yet, but I suppose it would be nice if we could all arrive at that point together at the same time..haha. I was talking with Stacey and we were discussing the perfect idea of us all living on a suburb street together...sort of like Desperate Housewives minus the drama. I know funny thought. I guess it sort of feels like I am losing my best friends. That may be irrational, but I know as they enter different stages of their life..where I am not..things will change. Sigh..I know this was inevitable...but it seems to have occurred overnight. I mean..really...looking at this time last year everyone was so not paired up and if they were it was not at a point of looking at marriage. I am happy for all my friends who are finding happiness, but I am sad too for the part of our lives that will be left behind. (And I a quick seeing my future as Bridget Jones sitting at the table will all the smug couples).

Ok..off that tangent. I am sitting at school just having finished my remediating of the other section. I had failed the section, but after an appeal, I got to remediate. (Basically get a second shot) I will see on Friday how I did one my second shots. My blood pressure is high these days and being a general pain in my neck. I am hard core back on Jenny Craig (grumble)...and I know I must start integrating exercise. Kaden still has not discovered the Christmas tree...and I hope that it stays that way. Would someone please come potty train my dog?? He is driving me nuts. Must budget money to take the punk to doggie school. Oh well...

At what point do you start to wonder if it is just your timing or actually you? See I have experienced over the years (as has another friend..you know who you are) this thing that no matter when I plan something it doesn't work out. No granted I did have alot of people show up for my "puppy warming"..so perhaps the summer works better for me, but I have had similar negative show-ups in the summer. It is a shame because I love hosting people..but I just don't seem to have good luck in getting people to actually show up. Oh well..I did have 3 people come tonight..and we had a good time hanging out. I had lots of food left over..of which I forced people to take so it would not be in my house. On the same note, I made my first thing of chili and I think I did a pretty good job if I do say so myself. Everyone seemed to like it...or at least they said. (Side note: lots left to anyone in Lexington who wants any). I am back on the Jenny Craig wagon..which means it will have to sit in my refrigerator..today was the only day I am allowing myself any off time.

So how did I do on that stinkin' test..well not so great. I am doing some "additions" to an answer tomorrow to see if I can fix it to their liking and then the other section I failed. I am a bit frustrated that I failed that section because I think I should have had the chance to remediate or fix it if you will. Between school and work, I tell you...I wouldn't mind running from the field of psychology as fast as I can. Yes, work...it is just stressing me out and increasing my blood pressure these days. Can't pin point what has changed, but I think it is a combination of the dynamics of the office and just a general apathy about the job. The place is sucking the empathy completely out of me..and that is the very thing that drives my job there. I need to care about what I am doing to be effective as a counselor.

Matters of the heart....well nothing negative to report there. I am still seeing the same guy (who also has a blog as some of you have figured out). Would say more...but someone else might read it... hmmm...so we'll just leave it as I am still happy with where things are.