Long time..no blog it seems. My laptop screen went dead this week, and for some reason I have trouble making myself sit at my desktop to do anything. Sort of funny...as I have not had this laptop that long. They sent somebody out to fix my screen the next day...because I bought the "no matter what I do..even if I drop it in water..you have to fix it" warranty. Let's be honest..I am clumsy..and I know that me and a laptop could be a bad combination. However, it seems that I may have had a crappy screen in the first place. Suddenly my computer has a bright screen even when it is just on battery.

I continue to do this whole working out thing, but I am getting frustrated with my face breaking out so bad. Evidently when you sweat while exercising..the sweat contains toxins...that clogs up the pore and causes your face to break out. One guy even said it is more bad when you haven't worked out in awhile..and that it will eventually clear up. Well...I don't think this guy realized that I have NEVER really exercised before now...so am I screwed? Imagine how many stinking toxins are in my body! Oh well.

Funny story of the week: well, I guess it would be me falling in the shower. The night before I had did my whole exfoliating my skin with my lovely body shop stuff...and while it makes my skin so very soft...it also makes my shower floor so very slippery. Yeah...I sure fell flat on my butt. It's like one of those things where you are in slow motion, but there is really nothing you can do about it. I ended up with some nasty bruises, but was ok all and all.

Men: same ole same ole. I am contemplating speed dating...although I had a friend that tried it recently and said it wasn't worth it. The problem is that I want to date, but I don't. First, I don't want to date until I feel better about my appearance...let's be honest if a guy can't get past my weight..then they are not even going to give me a chance. And then..if I don't feel good about myself..I am going to attribute every rejection to my weight. So, it is a problem I am working on. Plus, I just don't feel like dating to be quite honest. I would like to meet people in a normal way..and have a guy hit on me..show me attention without me having to seek out these dates. I just want something to develop naturally. I want to be wanted, I want to be needed. (You can all sing it now "I want you to want me...I need you to need me..."). I got on match to browse for just the heck of it..yeah that was fun...it was like there is the ex of one of my friends, the ex of another friend of mine, there's the guy that got a girl pregnant from home and isn't taken responsibility, talked to him, scared of him, ex of my coworker, former classmate..yes I think the pickins are getting slimmer! Anyways, I am not fine with the way things are...but I am fine too....if that makes sense. And I could go on and on for hours and I am sure that my thoughts and emotions on the topic could not be fully articulated. A few things are going on, but just things that require me to keep my heart and feelings guarded at all times.

I have been doing a lot of thinking through some issues here recently. For the longest time I had a separation between my religious beliefs and my social views. They couldn't be reconciled...and I just left it that way. Well, I am trying to bring everything together now. What has been frustrating for me is having the different perspectives and viewpoints/voices in my head. (Not voices as in auditory hallucinations..as in my own thinking). For instance, sitting in church, the preacher talking about one thing and having this random thought pop up. It is frustrating. It is like it should be so simple and so black and white..but in my head it is not. Oh well, I will continue to struggle with those things.