My dog is the devil. He is spoiled rotten and I do not know what to do. Each day that I come home from work it seems that he has found something new to have destroyed. There are no rugs in my house now in open areas and evidently I can no longer leave pee pads for him. I mean, really, my dog managed to completely shread and spread a pee pad all over my living room floor. He growls when he wants to be petted...sigh..what am I going to do with him. I have tried positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, discipline...but when I come home hours after the fact, what am I suppose to do. Perhaps I just need to be a stay at home dog mommy or get a sitter..haha. Yes, I know that I don't really have any extra money, but we are going to have to go to doggy training school at petsmart.

I finally got the wedding pictures to the couple and now I am just stressing trying to figure out if they like them or not. Oh well, what can I do now? On Friday, I went to Blue Moon with the girls to do the whole Halloween thing. I went as a nurse...ok a bit of a naughty nurse..but for the love what Halloween costume for a women is not a bit naughty now?

So, I have a new favorite show officially Greys Anatomy. Yes, I cried watching it tonight, what is up with that? Not sure if it was the combination of fatigue and hormones..or what. It was sad...and I am very impatient about waiting till next week. How sad...it is like my one thing that I really look forward to each week.

Let's be honest. There is a reason that I put off posting for a few days. A friend of mine from the BC has taken on the role of match maker and has got two of her friends chatting. What does that have to do with my blog? Well, he has read my blog..yes, he read my blog and was still not scared away. Right now we are doing the talking, see if we have things in common thing. Tonight we talked for quite a bit on the phone...actually like hours..which worries me a bit because last time I talked with someone on the phone for awhile(i.e. chip) he disappeared off the face of the earth after meeting. We'll see. Writing in the blog knowing that he might read it sort of feels like I am talking about someone in front of them. Hmm..this is tricky. I suppose the bigger question is do I remove the picture with the oar above my head at this point? Haha.

Ok...one last thing...everyone who runs into Lisa Bell needs to ask to see her hand...yes I can finally tell people...Lisa and David are engaged. I got to do some investigating about the ring...so it has been driving me insane keeping it a secret. So everyone call Lisa and tell her congrats if you haven't already.:-)

One last random thought..is Gavin DeGraw balding...I think he is and wears those hats and combs his hair down to cover it up. Yeah...it is getting time for to go to bed.

My sleeping is messed up even more than normal this week. It is 4 am and I still wide awake and ready to go. I haven't gotten back on a normal schedule at all this week. I have to say that one of my biggest complaints is the lack of anything on tv past 4am. Even the home improvement channel goes to paid programming! The commercials are even more interesting at this time of night, evidently those up at this time of night would be interested in the hoveround and joining the army..go figure. I guess they are recruiting the elderly or disabled now.

I have been working on the wedding pictures for the past two days. It is stressing me out! I am so ready to hand them over. I still need to scan any pictures that I would like to use for reference of a portfolio. This small hobby is beginning to consume alot of my time. Granted I enjoy it, but I am starting to feel anxious as I need to start studying for my prelim at school ASAP. To be quite honest, I am feeling slightly depressed this week. Not sure if it's because I have been at home so much...or if being at home so much is making me feel depressed. Here is something that makes me smile though...searching yahoo Ireland personals. So, I suppose if I met a guy from Ireland that would give me an excuse to move there? Don't really need an excuse though..I suppose..I mean I love the country. Haha..oh well fun times.

What's new in my life? Well, Kaden continues to eat Q-tips. And I also have made his hair look quite interesting in my attempts to get the hair out of his eyes. I mean, for the love, the dog requires haircuts more often than I do.

Matters of the heart..well it seems to be the same. Had a bad first date this week, a second date that has been followed up with no phone call, and regular contact with one guy. While I might at another time be excited about the regular contact with the guy(who's name rhymes with mock) but I am fairly certain that while he may enjoy hanging out with me, I don't think the situation is going to go anywhere. Therefore, I am putting a huge lock on my heart with that situation. Let's admit..I do have a fat ole crush on this guy, but I do not want to get carried away with my feelings..like I can with crushes..as many of you know. Should I throw out some examples to prove my point? (now all of you are sitting here reading this perhaps thinking of the many crushes I have bombarded you with over the years:-) I tell you...it baffles me how some people seem to just fall in and out of love over and over. ..hopping from one relationship to the other. It is a complicated process...finding someone with whom you can at least carry on conversation..and have similar interests....where there is a mutual attraction...and compatible schedules...and looking for similar things in the relationship..then you have to deal with issues such as kissing. Now I know many of you are saying, Jessica that is trivial, but I assure you that it is not. A kiss can make or break a potential romantic future. Talking with one of my nameless...but let's just say one of my single friends who is a HUGE fan of the current reigning american idol...we discussed that there seems to be varying styles of kissing and kissing compatibility if you will. Kissing..it seems simple enough..yet it is not. While one person may think you a wonderful kisser, the next guy is like..what's up with that. So, in the whole mess of things, I am suppose to find someone with whom there is physical, emotional, intellectual..and yes..kissing compatibility. In this last week or say of dating trials I have learned one lesson about internet dating: at least see the picture first before meeting..it will save some time on both ends.

Now...I will go indulge myself in my nightly routine. Wash my face, take my medications(sounds like I am an old lady), and watch today's soaps on my DVR. The small mindless, yet comforting things in life.

So my dog ate a Q-tip....I am thinking that one day when I have an actual child, I will keep all Q-tips up and far away. Who would have thought that he would actually eat it? I was chasing him to get it..and next thing I know he is swallowing really hard. I am relieved now though because it safely is out now...yeah...his body digested a Q tip. Strangeness.

I have come to believe that the process of dating is simply a cycle of pain. I go out on these dates...either they reject or I reject them. Actually it seems to flip flop, I reject one guy as another turns around and rejects me. So now you know how my week went. It is so frustrating for me to see those around me who don't seem to have this happening...I feel really alone in this whole process. It seems that others just stumble onto this person..they date...and they are together. I met the third guy that I could see something progressing...wonderful telephone conversations..and then we meet...and he blows me off. Of course I got an email from the guy that I was going to blow off. I am going to give him a second date though now because he seems really sincere. And it was the second date that proved to make me fall for the person whose name rhymes with sock (yes I know this is a hard one for some of you). Current dating status: I will only continue to speak with those guys in which I am already....my match.com profile is hidden for the time being. I just really don't know how much more of this my heart can take. I did get one guy ask me out the traditional way though..that was nice...we may do something next week. He want to have me over for dinner and wine..as Ondi said..even if he is 22, what 22 year old is up for drinking wine versus beer? I suppose he deserves a shot.

Another problem is my body esteem. Everytime I get rejected, especially in like this situation..where it was after meeting me...I totally beat myself up and it serves as confirmation of all my negative self thoughts. It seems some people think my appearance is tolerable yet others act as if I am grossly obese with horns growing out of my head. I know that I need to quit determining my body esteem by others around me and feel better about myself. Working on it..

Why do I always feel the need to clean my apartment before leaving it? I mean really, who is going to see it while I am gone? Nevertheless....I cleaned it and now I should go pack. Flying out to Colorado to visit Ondi for a few days. A much needed break from Kentucky...I am so tempted to even turn my phone off!