I have come to believe that the process of dating is simply a cycle of pain. I go out on these dates...either they reject or I reject them. Actually it seems to flip flop, I reject one guy as another turns around and rejects me. So now you know how my week went. It is so frustrating for me to see those around me who don't seem to have this happening...I feel really alone in this whole process. It seems that others just stumble onto this person..they date...and they are together. I met the third guy that I could see something progressing...wonderful telephone conversations..and then we meet...and he blows me off. Of course I got an email from the guy that I was going to blow off. I am going to give him a second date though now because he seems really sincere. And it was the second date that proved to make me fall for the person whose name rhymes with sock (yes I know this is a hard one for some of you). Current dating status: I will only continue to speak with those guys in which I am already....my match.com profile is hidden for the time being. I just really don't know how much more of this my heart can take. I did get one guy ask me out the traditional way though..that was nice...we may do something next week. He want to have me over for dinner and wine..as Ondi said..even if he is 22, what 22 year old is up for drinking wine versus beer? I suppose he deserves a shot.

Another problem is my body esteem. Everytime I get rejected, especially in like this situation..where it was after meeting me...I totally beat myself up and it serves as confirmation of all my negative self thoughts. It seems some people think my appearance is tolerable yet others act as if I am grossly obese with horns growing out of my head. I know that I need to quit determining my body esteem by others around me and feel better about myself. Working on it..

Why do I always feel the need to clean my apartment before leaving it? I mean really, who is going to see it while I am gone? Nevertheless....I cleaned it and now I should go pack. Flying out to Colorado to visit Ondi for a few days. A much needed break from Kentucky...I am so tempted to even turn my phone off!