Today was my on call day for work. I now work 32 hours in the office...and then take a 24 stint of on call for the local hospitals. Since I have done this officially I really haven't been getting any calls. Now part of me love this..hello..its another day off..however my paycheck is not loving it. I only need 1-2 calls and I can be ok. This upcoming paycheck will be no hospital calls..which stinks. So how do I give up my extra day off..sigh..this is a hard one.

Dating. I am thinking about getting back in the game. Not that I have been avoiding it per se..but I for sure haven't been actively pursuing it all. I am quite recluse these days as many of you know..so the chances of me meeting somewhere here lately have been..well..virtually zero. Which leads me to....I got back on match.com to look around again (as the commercial says..it is ok to look). It is interesting that is for sure. First there are the guys who have been on there for 4 years..I kid you not..and still have the same picture. I would imagine that some of them look different. And I don't know if I really want to "wink" or "message" someone who has continually been on here for 4 years. Yes, I have been on there off and on..but key words being off and on...not continually. Then you have to figure out who is looking for a real relationship versus those who are looking for a hook-up. Length of profile typically helps with these: longer means serious about this..one liner "I am just looking for someone to have fun with" typically means hook-up. Then I have to look through other factors. Such as..I am starting to think that I won't be able to date doctors. My experience has been they like healthy, lean, in shape. For instance I came across a md in my browsing who said the only body type he was interested in was "athletic and toned". Now even if I go to the gym every day of my life I do not believe I will ever fit that description. And last I have to look for warning signs that I may not get along with the guy. Now this does not apply for everyone but in general I don't jive well with guys whose interests include motorcycles, star wars, and computers. So for me these are keywords to avoid. Who does that leave me with....not much really. Still debating whether I am going to take the match.com plunge. I am however considering speed dating again..hmmm.

What being single means...the good and bad. For me it means: my house getting messy to the point that it is embarrassing to have anyone over. Dirty dishes that wait for several days. Sleeping in the middle of my bed completely sprawled out. Having 6 half drank water bottles in my refrigerator. My frig getting down to just condiments..more often than not. Only going to the grocery store when I have went through the paper towels after the toilet paper ran out. Questionable bread and milk - I can never use the whole darn things. Underwear all over the house because apparently my dog collects them. And running naked across my living room every morning to the laundry room (as instead of putting things up I often leave them in the dryer)...and remembering my blinds are opening and crawling /dunking behind the chair so my neighbors may not get flashed.

Life. It is stressful these days. I am starting to lose people in my life I feel with my withdrawing. I really am working when I am home though. After I get done typing this I am going to watch a television show without the computer in front of me..gasp. When I am home anymore this thing is in front of me and I practically can do photoshop in my sleep. It is relentless and I need a break from everything. And I need friends in my life..I need to make time for them in my life. And on a completely last random note: Garth's new song....breaks my heart.

Long time..no update..lots to talk about..I will start.

Memphis: A few weekends ago I went to Memphis with some ladies from work. We had a great time. I was adventurous and tried some new foods. The first day actually it felt like I we did was eat! I think we ended up with 4 meals that day. I tried the Elvis special - peanut butter and banana friend sandwich. We had it at this old cafe call the Arcade where supposedly Elvis used to eat himself. The sandwich was ok..I think I would like it better not fried. And then later that night I tried the Memphis BBQ that everyone goes on and on about. It was good..but you know I am not that big on BBQ in general..and to be honest I was a bit grossed out by the fact that baked beans had shredded pork in them as well. We did the Memphis staples: visited the Civil Rights Museum (where Martin Luther King Jr was assassinated), visited Graceland, visited Sun Studio, and watched the ducks walk the red carpet at the Peabody. I think I enjoyed the studio better than Graceland! My favorite part of the trip was hanging out around Beale Street at night listening to live blues music. It was really cool to be sitting in a small bar listening to live blues. Memphis also had this cute trolley that ran down the center of town and around. Now for the freaky part of Memphis. When we arrived on Friday around noon..in the middle of town there was hardly any traffic. We walked to the Civil Rights Museum and in that area we were like the only people on the street. We went out to eat...and we were the only people there. It was so strange. On the last night I did a search and found what I shared in the last post...Memphis had been named the number 1 city for violent crimes in the US like 2 weeks before! Yeah..probably good we didn't know that. The groups of teenagers are dressed a like (i.e. probably gangs) and the rampant homelessness all were put into context then. Oh...well..it is a nice city to visit otherwise..but with a gun evidently.

I have been staying busy with photography stuff. So busy that I feel like I don't have a life. Well, there is no feeling to it...I really don't! I am almost caught up so that I won't be late on anymore pictures..which will take a huge weight off of me..but I still feel like in order to maintain on my free time has to go to this right now. Which is why I am hugely debating what am I going to do with my career next year. I can not get in this boat next year..my sanity can not handle it. I am so scared of the thought of having a business on my own..and being responsible for supporting myself. And I am so sick of myself at the moment. All I look forward to each day when I wake up for work is when I get home to take a nap. I am withdrawing from others (whether out of necessity or otherwise) and I am sad. And I am the biggest loser ever because I still have feelings for someone unable to reciprocate them that lives in another country (I don't know why I make it so cryptic when all my readers probably know who I am referencing). Everything is starting to catch up with me. I had to quit Jenny Craig because I couldn't afford it.
No worries though....I haven't went back to my old eating habits..and have lost around 7 lbs total. I am going to start working out again this week. I am hoping that will jump start my metabolism. We will see. So I realize this was long..and actually boring...my apologies. My life these days long and boring.:-)

I am still here..just staying busy and not sleeping much. Visited Memphis this past week..and I am still alive despite this tidbit. Will update tomorrow more!

I have been overwhelmed..and a bit depressed here lately...and today even sick. I woke up throwing up this am. So, I called into work. I didn't start feeling well till late afternoon. I always rant about the connection between emotional states and the body..and I am wondering if today wasn't a prime example of me just shutting down. I am overwhelmed with all the photography work that needs to be done. I am making progress..but I still have so much. On top of being drowning in the photography stuff..I am starting to doubt myself. I just haven't been greatly impressed with my stuff here lately..I feel like I am losing my creativity. And maybe I am in all the stress.

What I need: I need to be able to pursue the photography full time. I was talking to my dear cousin Miranda about how much I would love to have a house that was on some farm land to take pictures at. Ideally this farm would have a pond and a barn..and tall trees..tall trees where I could put a tire swing up..and a stream close by too. Really..is this too much to ask for?:-) I know it is. Perhaps I can place an add on match.com...seeking men with farms. You think that would work?

Pedicures. I have recently discovered the joy of pedicures. You just don't understand till you take the plunge. They are magnificent. I have had two in the past month..by occasion (first Stacey's wedding..then vacation). I wish I could get one every week! If only I were rich. And I don't think I can rationalize one in the winter..with the toes not being seen. However..at this rate 80s in October..we may not have a winter!

Britt, britt. So I have been feeling sorry for Britney Spears here lately. Love her heart. I know she has dug herself a hole..but we must remember that K Fed is not so wonderful himself. The difference is that he is listening to his people and she is not. I feel like she just needs a good friend to talk some sense in her. Anyways, I keep my fingers crossed that she will get her act together...hence she is now a top friend of mine on myspace. (Now that I have finished my nonsense rambling).

Dublin. It is driving me insane wanting to know who reads my blog in Dublin! If you would leave a comment or email me to indulge my curiosity it would make my day.

Love life. That would = nonexistent. Between hanging on by a thread I haven't had time to date or look. I admit that I need to move on because I still have lingering feelings for someone who...well just to clarify is not married..but not going to give more details than that for fear they may read the blog at some point. I really would like to lose some weight so I feel better about myself before I venture out into the scary world of dating again (and for me it can be scary..really..do I need to recap to prove my point?). Speaking of which...

Jenny. Me and Jenny Craig. Like two peas in a pod. Well...don't know about that..but I do eat alot of peas here lately. I weigh in tomorrow so we will see. I will let you know. I am posting some pics on my photo blog so you may want to check it out as well. (i.e. jessicacampbellphotography.blogspot.com).