I am irritable these days. It started on Wednesday. I begrudingly dragged myself out of bed to go to work..get there at 9 to which I am informed that I don't need to be to work until 2. So I get in my car and head home..only to get a blow out between Richmond Road and Pimlico. I have to then sit for 1 and half hours waiting on a tow truck. My car is towed to the dealership..which in turn takes nearly two days to replace tires and brakes..and charges me 985. Yes, I am broke and irritable. And I am on the Jenny Craig wagon still..so lack of food only increasing this agitation. And there are not enough hours in the day for me to get anything accomplished. I have no life..still yet I feel like there is just more and more to do. And this is example 565 why it stinks to be single. Thanks goodness I have wonderful friends that transported me to and from work and various places. I finally got on the phone with the dealership today and was like listen..I am single..I don't have a car..I need a car..and it can't wait another day. I will add that I have wonderful, wonderful friends as I was reminded the last two days. So..that has been my past two days. Fun times. I miss real food. I miss coke. (I am a sad, sad individual).

So periodically I will check how people find my blog. Well, someone searched for "dating girls in their twenties" and my blog came up. Poor guy. I guess he won't want to date any girls in their twenties after reading my blog.

I had the day off today...and I got a few things accomplished but not as many as I need. I genuinely feel horrible for the delays I am taking in getting pictures back to people..but there are not enough hours in the days for me to get caught up. What is taking most of the delays is a speck of dirt that has been on my camera and so I have to go in and manually remove that speck from each picture..mind you I take 300 pics average at a family session..and 1000 at a wedding. That is a lot of time and it gets tedious. Oh well.

Jenny Craig update. I have yet to complete a day where I have followed the Jenny Craig completely. However I do feel like I am doing better. This ends day 3 no real coke and I have been eating healthier..I think. Good grief..I just want the weight to go off. What do you think it is that makes some people have to struggle with their weight more? Is it genetics..is it just learned poor eating habits? I mean really I can remember looking in the mirror when I was 9 and thinking I was fat and needed to lose weight. This has been a life long battle for me. I think it is especially hard for me right now because food serves as my comfort. Food gives immediate satisfaction (with bad long term effects). Taking it away right now is hard because is like the foundation of my deck of cards..you take it away and everything comes crumbling down. I don't know if everyone truly understands that this is very difficult for me. But what is more difficult is looking in the mirror..so a change has to happen.

Men. What to say that Kelly Clarkson hasn't already said? Haha. Just kidding. No, my new thing I have decided is that I am the girl you date right before you get married. So...women out there..if you know a man that you want to commit to you..trust me..have him date me for a bit and he will be running into your arms with a ring in his hands. You think I exaggerate but I don't: ok recently there are two: mr. conservative and name rhymes with socks. A guy I dated a few years ago proposed to a girl after only know her a month..after dating me. And a long time ex came up to visit me for a kinda date and next I heard he was married. Really..everything looks better after me evidently. On a recent note: I went on that first date..and 1 1/2 week later cameraguy was in a relationship..not with me obviously. Now not marriage but definitely on the how to run a guy off in 10 days track for sure. What is so ironic and stinky about this whole thing is the one thing I long for is a relationship..companionship..and it is the one thing that every guy wants with someone else. Really, don't you think my life would make a hilarious sitcom? Here's the pitch: Wedding photographer captures the love of couples every week..but seems to have no luck in her own love life. She sends men running to commitment..with other people. We could even do an episode where I shoot pictures at an ex's wedding. (Even though one of my rules in no pictures of anyone I have dated in any shape or form at any time). Sigh..I think it would be a funny show..but hello it's my life.

I totally should get my butt in bed but I have a few things on my mind and figure I should blog while it's brewing. Why am I up at 3 am you may ask? I have been doing on call mobile shifts for 5 days in a row and had a call at 2am. Fun times.. interrupted sleep..but good money. I dragged my sorry butt back to Jenny Craig yesterday and decided to go back with the program. I am so disgusted with myself and my appearance. I hate pictures of myself and I can't stand to even look in the mirror. It is to an extreme point. So Day 1 was today and already failure. People I have a problem: I am addicted to food. Some people its alcohol...crack...pain pills..sex...with me it's food. I obsess over it and have almost no self control. I plan my day around food..I plan social interactions and rewards and events around food. Today I broke the stupid thing already. I made a compromise...what I really wanted was a veggie plate from Ramsey's (sounds healthy enough..but its not) ..but I got spaghetti from Fazolis. At least I didn't give in and drink regular coke. I suck..I can't even make it through one day. It is just hard with various life stressors and being so busy to try to restrict my eating. But I have to..there's not getting around it. I am tired of hating my appearance. I am tired of being the girl that could be pretty..if she weren't fat. I am so tired of it..so why can't I just eat the stupid Jenny Craig food? I am going to need some mucho support on this one.

I do not miss school work at all..but the good thing about it was that it had a defined ending and you just had to survive to then. Well...I wish there was a finish line in sight for me (not like death..like completed thing). I am so overwhelmed with so much to do and it seems like it is never ending. It is hard starting a business up on the side..for sure.

Men. I I don't think I have the energy to even go there. A few random notes that I can follow up with on another day. A coworker jokingly called me "how to lose a guy in 10 days" and there is some truth to that. Will explain later. Also, why does it still sting a bit and feel like someone knocked the air out of you every time you discover an ex is married/engaged? I am ready for that feeling to leave. Maybe it does when you are happy/committed..whatever you want to call it. I am beginning to feel hopeless. I am losing weight so I will have it in me to date more..to meet people. But what if God means for me to be alone for the rest of my life? I am beginning to seriously wonder.

It actually feels like summer to me tonight. I went swimming at night with some friends. It was nice and taking a few moments of my time to do something different made me feel like I enjoyed a breathe of summertime. I can't believe this summer is nearly over! My life is crazy busy and consisting of working..moving..and pictures. It has been hard to fit much else in. I am doing a stint of on call currently..had 7 calls yesterday..craziness (no pun intended). My new apartment is madness. I am hoping to clean it tomorrow. Will post a bit more tomorrow.

Below is the previous not published blog. So..since he is already in a relationship (obviously not with me!), I could care less if he ever stumbled across my blog. I will vent more later..however in the meantime..enjoy the the blog.

There are many, many things I should update you on but I will start with the most current. I had a first date tonight. Do I have time for a first date..no..but well I went on one anyways. Who with you may ask? Let's call him cameraman. He installed a bunch of video cameras at work. So basically my coworkers informed him someone had a crush on him...I passed my number along...text messages...myspace.. a few phone calls and then a first date. First, he is much younger..22 (well he will turn it in two days..so that's my story and I am sticking to it). The night started with dinner at O'Charleys. It went ok...a few awkward pauses but overall ok. I was dying to eat the second roll but had some self control and one ate one roll..yes..this is amazing in itself. I should note that it was raining all evening so I was constantly running in the rain which no doubt made me oh so lovely and jumping up into his gigantic truck with a skirt on (not smart thinking on my behalf). I was literally doing a countdown..1 -2-jump. We next went to bowling. So, I wore sandals and forgot to bring socks. All night I am trying to be "cool, low maintenance girl" (i.e. running the rain..not making a big deal about it)..therefore I suck it up..don't think about it and wear the darn no doubt foot fungus infested shoes with no socks. Yes, I know many of you are cringing..but I did it in the name of love. Normally, I do not do well at bowling but I was like Jessica superstar bowler tonight. I got close to 100 and over everygame and beat him 3/4 games. Probably not a smart move on my behalf...but dude I never bowl that well! I may have sacrificed a second date for being the bowling champion..but oh well. I couldn't resist doing my bowling moves the x i make in the air or the one half bar when you get a spare (those of you who have been bowling with me so know what i am talking about). We then headed to this little karaoke bar off of nicholasville. Interesting place to say the least. Sort of felt like I was trapped in a bad movie. We talked a bit..were there an hour or so and then we left when some girl he knew came in (i.e. probably some girl he had a one night stand with and didn't want to see him). Then he brought me back home..didn't walk me to the door and then there comes the awkward what do you say/do at the end of the date. I resolved it by a hug and kiss on the cheek. Overall feelings about the date: he really does seem like a nice guy and I did enjoy myself, however I do not think he is that "into me" and here are the reasons why:

1. He was sending various text messages to someone throughout the night.

2. .....Text messages of one of which I accidentally saw that said "kisses".

3. Minimal eye contact at times and seemed distracted at certain times in the evening.

4. Didn't walk me to the door..i.e. didn't try to come in. Now this is sad that I think if a guy is respectful to me then they are not interested..but it might be an indicator.

So Jessica' s prediction is a red light on this one (not like red light district..like red light stop). I don't think he will call/contact, etc. We will see. And now I am feeling and let down and disappointed. For a few days there was hope. I am so lonely. All I want it to be held tonight. As Kelly Clarkson would say "I just need to be loved". Sorry if it a bit too melodramatic.

So I was doing a bit of looking here and there and came across someone's blog that mentioned Natasha Bedingfield. I think I may have found my European Kelly Clarkson. The first song cracks me up! Really the first song is funny..it will make you laugh (not angry as josh suspected). Funny moment of the week: I have trouble figuring out my palm treo phone still...and often call people without realizing it or meaning to. Well I left Sarah a 2 minute voicemail of me singing Kelly at the top of my lungs in the car. .. And before you even ask..she already deleted it.:-) Otherwise I am surviving by threads.

In case you are like sitting at work completely bored and need something to do...I updated my photoblog..and new pics on my website..jessicacampbellphotography.com. You can see what I am doing on my days off.