Below is the previous not published blog. So..since he is already in a relationship (obviously not with me!), I could care less if he ever stumbled across my blog. I will vent more later..however in the meantime..enjoy the the blog.

There are many, many things I should update you on but I will start with the most current. I had a first date tonight. Do I have time for a first date..no..but well I went on one anyways. Who with you may ask? Let's call him cameraman. He installed a bunch of video cameras at work. So basically my coworkers informed him someone had a crush on him...I passed my number along...text messages...myspace.. a few phone calls and then a first date. First, he is much younger..22 (well he will turn it in two days..so that's my story and I am sticking to it). The night started with dinner at O'Charleys. It went ok...a few awkward pauses but overall ok. I was dying to eat the second roll but had some self control and one ate one roll..yes..this is amazing in itself. I should note that it was raining all evening so I was constantly running in the rain which no doubt made me oh so lovely and jumping up into his gigantic truck with a skirt on (not smart thinking on my behalf). I was literally doing a countdown..1 -2-jump. We next went to bowling. So, I wore sandals and forgot to bring socks. All night I am trying to be "cool, low maintenance girl" (i.e. running the rain..not making a big deal about it)..therefore I suck it up..don't think about it and wear the darn no doubt foot fungus infested shoes with no socks. Yes, I know many of you are cringing..but I did it in the name of love. Normally, I do not do well at bowling but I was like Jessica superstar bowler tonight. I got close to 100 and over everygame and beat him 3/4 games. Probably not a smart move on my behalf...but dude I never bowl that well! I may have sacrificed a second date for being the bowling champion..but oh well. I couldn't resist doing my bowling moves the x i make in the air or the one half bar when you get a spare (those of you who have been bowling with me so know what i am talking about). We then headed to this little karaoke bar off of nicholasville. Interesting place to say the least. Sort of felt like I was trapped in a bad movie. We talked a bit..were there an hour or so and then we left when some girl he knew came in (i.e. probably some girl he had a one night stand with and didn't want to see him). Then he brought me back home..didn't walk me to the door and then there comes the awkward what do you say/do at the end of the date. I resolved it by a hug and kiss on the cheek. Overall feelings about the date: he really does seem like a nice guy and I did enjoy myself, however I do not think he is that "into me" and here are the reasons why:

1. He was sending various text messages to someone throughout the night.

2. .....Text messages of one of which I accidentally saw that said "kisses".

3. Minimal eye contact at times and seemed distracted at certain times in the evening.

4. Didn't walk me to the door..i.e. didn't try to come in. Now this is sad that I think if a guy is respectful to me then they are not interested..but it might be an indicator.

So Jessica' s prediction is a red light on this one (not like red light district..like red light stop). I don't think he will call/contact, etc. We will see. And now I am feeling and let down and disappointed. For a few days there was hope. I am so lonely. All I want it to be held tonight. As Kelly Clarkson would say "I just need to be loved". Sorry if it a bit too melodramatic.