The modern day ultimate insult: deleting you as a friend on myspace. Wow..and even more insulting when someone beats to the punch. You are searching and searching..and then you realize they have already deleted you.

Yes, I got deleted this evening. Within thirty minutes mind you. Actually it has happened twice to me here lately. Matters of the heart seem to dictate alot of the deleting of friends on myspace. I have seen it on others pages..but I have gotten the personal insult over the past two weeks. I had an emotional reaction tonight. One that was too much, but if it hadn't came out tonight, probably would have came out at some other point. What happened? We all get rejected by others when it comes to the dating game. I suppose some of us hold on too long..and I guess I have done that..yet again. I have spent a year thinking that if I hold out, then someone would see how wonderful I am and suddenly realize they are in love with me. Well, not so much. This was not the realization that occured today..but it leads up to it. I had come to recognize after confessing my feelings that they were not reciprocated. I have beat myself up and replayed in my head all the reasons this person (ok. my conservative) has given to why they can't be with me. I have given myself a hard time about this things and even thought myself not good enough to be dated by some people because of these reasons. I go out to bars occasionally...I like to watch pop culture shows: grey's anatomy...seen every episode of sex in the city...I like to shop....i don't always like to talk politics..really I think the list is a mile long. Then you find the person that rejected you citing these reasons....is head over heels for someone who exhibits all those traits. The ultimate insult. It was not these reasons or any other reason under the sun: it was you, simply you. It hurts...it hurts like hell. So yes I lashed out. And well, they lashed back. I may have potentially lost more that just a "myspace friend" today...I may have lost a friend. I am not saying that I reacted rationally...but it was coming from a place of deep hurt. So, I did say a hurtful comment. But should one comment dictate cutting someone out of your life permanently? I know many of y'all are doing a victory dance (not in an insulting way..but in the it is the best thing for you way). Really, I have narrowed it down to me and Kaden. No situations, no men, no mixed feelings. Just me. If this is right, why do I feel so stinky? How can I be so wrong and think for sure someone is for me...God is directing me towards them..and boom..no. How can someone delete you from their myspace within 3o minutes and cut you out of their life in a second. I don't understand it. So, here's me..not dating, not holding on to anything, and crying at home on a Friday night.