Sorry I haven't been on top of it with the posts here lately. For a few weeks, I got a bit caught up with work..the photography..and other stuff of course. I love the photography thing..but wow..it can keep me busy on my days off sometimes. Many of you are probably at home..seeing as it is Labor Day and many people get to the enjoy the day off. Somehow..I have never had jobs that granted me Labor Day off...I can't really remember a Labor Day I was off..unless I requested specifically the day off. Ah well..I go in a t 5 and time and a half baby..woohoo. It might be casual day too..wow..could I get to wear jeans to work today? It is questionable as to whether or not my office is allowed to fully observe the casual day..as I am one of the first people you see..and the whole counseling thing, etc. etc. However, to be honest I see people at the worst..so me in jeans and nice shirt usually is still a step up (which is the general rule of thumb with counseling and what to wear: keep yourself one step up from the client for respect, etc.).

What's really going on with me? Yes, I have been busy, but today is seeming to be a hard day for me. I hate having feelings for someone that I know I shouldn't and that can not be fully reciprocated. I am feeling really down today..and the majority of it has to do with someone moving. Mr. Conservative (as many of you know him as) is moving back to WV today...and the decision to move was made only in the last few weeks. Now..if this was someone I saw every once in awhile..talked to a few times a week..maybe this wouldn't be a big deal..but that is not the case. This is someone that serves as one of my closest friends..granted even if it is "weird" and someone I obviously have strong emotions for. I know this is honestly a good thing for me..but it sure doesn't feel that way at all. I need to move beyond something that just isn't happening..but that doesn't mean that it is easy or I necessarily want to do that. I mean really..I want to move to WV too..but how desperate, pathetic..and eventually disastrous is that? Everyone knows that a girl can't move someone to be closer to someone..especially a guy. It creates more feelings that one doesn't have the right to feel. My rule of thumb in regards to men and moving somewhere to be closer to them is that it has to be clear that there is a viable possibility of the relationship developing beyond its current state and that I am on the same page with the other individual. Now, no one can guarantee anything when it comes to matters of the heart, however I know there needs to be some semblance of an agreed upon "us" or at least a dating status before I will move somewhere for somebody..or at least that is my current rule. (I suppose was considering moving to Ireland a few years back..but there is the whole me loving that country..pace of life, etc.. component there too...let's be honest WV is not so different that I can play that card!). Nevertheless, today I feel sad, alone, and somewhat heartbroken for some reason. Why these emotions? Well, the moving indicates that he doesn't see anything viable between us at the moment and I fear that I am losing any chance of that now with the move. I fear that I will be forgotten and pushed out of the picture of the many hometown girls waiting to pounce him (and you may think I am exaggerating..but I assure you not...just ask me for details). I just need a day of crying that is all.

Perhaps some rantings will help my mood. Rant #1: Dropping the l-bomb(i.e. i love you). I get so annoyed with people who frivolously use the word..and prematurely make the statement..Especially those of us who are adults. Yes, we all threw around the word in high school, but for me for...to use that statement/word..it really means something now. When people go around just saying it like there's no tomorrow..it takes away from the value of the statement when said by those of us who don't use it so sparingly. End of story..it annoys me. Rant #2: Men. General topic I know. I get frustrated because I do go on dates..and have these men that come and go..but nothing substantial. I have had two men pop out of nowhere after like 5-6 months...just a "how are you doing?" Do they have fun in the summer and look for someone to hang out again with in the winter? (The opposites of bears I guess..or maybe not..maybe they are looking for someone to "hibernate" with). I also get annoyed by men who say they want to get together..then don't call. Don't say you want to do something this weekend and then be MIA..simply lie or don't' mention it..really don't dig your hole deeper. (sigh) I just want a guy who will make an effort..and when/if ever I meet someone who really likes me..they will..I know...but I just get frustrated with all the rest in the meantime. Anyways, don't mean to be a downer..just feeling that way today. I am trying to plan a trip to give me something to look forward to..potentially Ireland..I have actually tried for tickets on priceline..with no success yet. I will probably buy one after this upcoming payday...if they are still reasonable. I guess that will determine if I should go or not...if the prices are still reasonable this Thursday..then it is ok for me to go. Plus..really..it is a way for me to get some good shots for my photography stuff. A good friend of mine..in the Junior League..has asked me to consider being in a gallery hop..as in have some of my pics displayed..a trip to Ireland means a lot of pictures. Basically what I had in mind for the trip was possibly renting a car (questionable whether I should attempt driving on the "wrong" side of the road) and visiting several cities..just basically taking in the scenery..really no major plans. Sounds great..but we will see. What is my hesitancy? Well, I am laying everything else out..Going to Ireland means that I would see "Irish boy"..And anytime we see someone that we used to date..well we worry about what impression we will have on them. I have gained a few pounds since I last saw him..and basically that is the root of it. I may only see him one day of the trip but I don't want him to have a bad memory of me..silly, huh? But you all know that you think the same way(at least you girls should know what i am talking about! If you know you are going to run into so and so from high school..you want to look your best..this is the same concept. Enough self disclosure for the day..I will go cry some more and try to lay down again perhaps.