So, it is sometimes frustrating to me that I don't get to feel that feeling of relief when Friday arrives. It is like I am deprived of something others get to experience. Silly perhaps. I actually put in an application for a new position within the hospital. Don't know if I truly have a shot at it or not...but hey I gave it a try. It is a marketing position and involves all day hours M-F. It would be nice...sometimes I feel like I am losing track of time..you know what day of the week is it...what is the date..where did May go? A regular schedule might help with that.

I am dreading tomorrow because as of right now I am planning on going on a first date. With who you may ask....well it is with someone I did meet before I took all my profiles off the internet stuff. He is a phd student up in Cincinnati...and he is german. So, I don't like german food, I don't like the german language (sprechen zie deutch neine), I wasn't a fan of germany when I visited it...so where is my logic in thinking I might like a german guy? I don't know, a shot in the dark perhaps. I am trying to figure out why I am dreading it so much. Is it because of my stinky self esteem? Am I still not feeling at a place where I want to date? Am I just lazy and would rather sleep in and lay by the pool? These could all be factors contributing to this yucky...please don't make me go feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Speaking of self-esteem...I am trying to work on that. I am forcing myself to exercise..so far I am 3 or 3 days...let's be honest that is more than the entire last year! It does make me feel better. I am trying to eat less as well. Along with that I am trying not to become obsessive weighing myself girl. The goal: to be significantly thinner and tan by summer's end. Also, I am making it a goal to work on myself spirtually as well. If I can get those two things in line, I think I will feel alot better.

Ahh...to go or not to go tomorrow...this is the question.