Finally I am at the end of my "work week", and actually get three whole days off. Whatever will I do with myself? I do believe that I would be much happier at work if I had a consistent work schedule. I don't know whether I am coming or going with my current schedule.

I have been doing some self-evaluation over the past few days. First thing I am noticing my impulsivity..especially when related to emotions. (Not a shocker to some of you). It eats at me to keep my emotions to myself because there is something relieving to just get them off my chest. Some people have even referred to them as my "confessions". I was the little girl who would call up the guy I liked and be like hey I like you, do you want to be my boyfriend? (Or have my friend call..you know how that is). Point is that I am always going around spreading my emotions all over the place. Those who know me well..understand that is a part of who I am...but I think it can be scary for others. Another strange thing is that while I share much info about myself to everyone around me....I am still very reserved about other things. Ok..now I just may be confusing and boring you. Another thought I have been having is about my "depth". I tend to have stories to tell and things to make people laugh..but where do I go beyond that. I know me and I feel like there is so much more to me...but I wonder how much of that I share in everyday life? If I don't have depth..then by default am I "shallow" in character? I don't think so, and I hope that isn't the image that I present.

On the topic of impulsivity and emotions...did call the guy the other night...he didn't answer..which was good. What I am finding is that I miss companionship. Now, I know we weren't anything but just "hanging out", "going out"..whatever you want to call it...but I got very used to having someone calling me each day and caring about what was going on in my life. (And no, this is not a cue that each of you need to start calling me each day..haha). I miss him right now, that's it. I need the time though so I may can be just friends with him. With time I may be ok with the side hugs. Um..maybe not. Kaden should get side hugs then too, right? O.k., let's be honest the side hug thing is bugging me...becoming a bit bitter about it. Bitter can be good though...it is a step past wallowing is sadness and the "whoa is me". Really, I will stop the madness now.

On matters of the broken heart, I did meet a guy this weekend. Not a big deal, just exchanged numbers, etc. Seemed like a decent guy..actually is a coach for UK and I did the stalker girl thing and looked him up..he wasn't lying. I won't be a complete psycho and post the link though. No call yet...not suprising and maybe good. I am not feeling up to really trying anything new with anyone...I just sort of accidently met this guy. My dear friends pointed out to me that for nearly two years I have been on a dating/pseudo dating rollercoaster. This is me, miss independent..what's up with that? Time for me, myself, and Kaden...that is what I should do. Another note is that I should apply the dating experiences to help me realize that I am not this horrible un-dateable person that I often feel like. Self-esteem....it is at the root of many of my dilemmas. Enough of the ranting...I am going to go to bed. (Wish me luck: early morning talking with the chair of my committee..yeah..haven't met with her in 8 months..I am mucho nervous..trying to dig myself out of the hole I seemed to have crawled into with my department).