My sleeping..my sleeping...I would be so happy to get on a regular schedule. Let's be honest, I do enjoy sleeping, but right now my body is so messed up that it wants to sleep ALL the time and contrary to popular belief I am not happy about this. I was recently asked why I enjoy sleeping which is an interesting question. I suppose that it is not the actual sleeping that I enjoy but the feeling of being rested and fully awake. I do like lounging in bed..especially on rainy days, but how can one enjoy sleeping? Sleeping by its very nature is mindless...not really an activity when you think about it and I definately do not enjoy dreaming...I would be perfectly fine if I never remembered any of my dreams because they often make me feel as if I was still awake all night. As you can see, I am awake. I actually went to sleep for a few hours, then woke back up wide awake and layed there for about an hour at which point I decided I would be more productive sitting and staring at the APA ethic code. Maybe after the new schedule at work does begin...it will get a bit better...or not..we will see.

Another question I was presented recently that I continue to consider is the question of what would make me happy? I am not neccessarily horribly unhappy at the moment, so I suppose what would make me happier is the best way to look at it. This is a big question, and I will continue to think on it.

My big ole test is on Friday. I am concerned very much about it. All I can do at this point is continue to review and hope to goodness that something has sunk in over the last million years of school. So, the guy...things are continuing to go well. I got flowers yesterday out of the blue..how thoughtful was that. Let's be honest, I am starting to really like him, but I am noticing some self imposed anxiety as I begin to enjoy spending time around him more. Really, it's like I don't know how to act when a guy is geuninely pursuing getting to know me and making an effort. How sad is that and how does that reflect on my past matters of the heart? In a way, I suppose that I am afraid to open myself up and allow myself to admit any emotions that I am having (yes, how contradictory of me as the counselor). It is a fear of getting hurt. However, that is what trying out dating/relationships is about. You can't get any of the good without the possiblity of the bad. It is inevitable that some hurt will happen, but it is just deciding that the positive that will be experienced is worth that hurt. Now indicating that it is inevitable that there will be hurt does not mean that I am dooming and glooming before I even know what will or will not progress, rather I am acknowledging that any human relationship often has moments of hurt feelings..this is even true in close friendships. Yeah, so I like him..it is at the fun part where I want to spend time with him whenever I can and I get the butterflies in the stomach. I am trying to push out the thoughts of being hurt and enjoy what emotions are there at the moment..have fun with it because really finding someone you like..even for a little bit..can be a rareity (is that a word..i am not sure?). So not really to share too much, but we did share our first kiss and I think it is an affirmative on the kissing compatibility. I did think I was going to have a panic attack waiting for the kiss to actually occur..but it did.:-) Now I should go and stop rambling..I think I will try sleeping on the couch now since the bed doesn't seem to be working tonight. I did finally put my sheets on my bed (after like a week), but for whatever reason I can't get to sleep in there tonight. So..yeah..good night.