Subject: A breakthrough and reason number 565 why I am in not a medical related field!

By sharing my personal breakthrough, I am not trying to depress everyone, but I am trying to use the blog as somewhat of an outlet for me to express my feelings. While I know that all my friends would be more than glad to hear about my depressive insights..I do not want to depress them, so it is easier for me to share such things here. The insight is in regards to my self-esteem. Yes, I have low self-esteem this is not a new concept for me, but on Saturday night everything sort of came together for me. I had received a new email from the match.com thing (yes I still trying to do that!) and I couldn't bring myself to email them back. Mainly I didn't want to because I did not want them to see me...I am to the point of not liking my physical appearance that much. I do not like looking in the mirror and quite honestly I am disgusted with my appearance. If I do not like myself, how can I expect anyone else to? Perhaps the reason I am not in a relationship, etc is because I am so unhappy with myself in that specific domain of my life. Anyways, it all just sort of came together for me with that realization.

Ok...on a funnier note..I am such a baby when it comes to needles!!! I was helping out with a situation on the unit when I was at work at the Ridge yesterday. While I was involved with the situation I had to help contain a child as he was receiving two shots. After witnessing that I went back to the office and began feeling queasy. I broke out into cold sweats, dizziness, and nausea..Eventually having to lay down right in the middle of the office. Someone went and got me something to eat for my blood sugar and after 10 minutes I was fine. I mean for the love!! I had a similar incident in undergrad in Human Sexuality course when we watch the birthing video. I guess me and needles and bloods just do not mix. Plus...I know they can't find anything at the doctor...but my blood sugar sure drops a lot for there not to be a problem.

Going to the beach tomorrow!! I am heading out with Stacey to visit her family in North
Carolina. We plan to spend some quality time at the Atlantic Beach. She needed someone to go to the beach with her..it's a hard job...but someone has to do it.:-) It's off to the beach I go...